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3 Reasons to Listen Twice and Talk Once

April 4, 2025

There’s an old saying: Measure twice, cut once. Good advice if you’re working with wood. But when it comes to life, I like to say: Listen twice, talk once. I didn’t always live by that rule. In fact, I learned it the hard way, under the hood of my old 1990 Ford Bronco. See, I was tinkering with the engine—lost in my own world—when Shelly came up to talk. She was visiting from California, and she had something important on her mind.

The problem? I wasn’t really listening. Oh, I thought I was. I nodded, threw in a couple of “uh-huhs,” maybe even repeated a word or two back. But my brain was more focused on getting that Bronco to turn over than on what she was actually saying. So, when I responded, I got it completely wrong. Next thing I knew, Shelly was looking at me like I’d lost my mind. What followed was one of the biggest misunderstandings we ever had—and I had nobody to blame but myself.

That’s the moment I learned: Listening isn’t just about hearing. It’s about understanding. And since then, I’ve lived by a new rule: Listen twice, talk once. Here’s why it matters

1. Most misunderstanding start with not listening.

I was lucky that Shelly gave me a second chance to clear things up. But that doesn’t always happen. A lot of problems—arguments, mistakes, missed opportunities—come from not actually paying attention.

Most folks aren’t great listeners. We think about what we’re going to say next instead of absorbing what’s being said. Simply, we get distracted. We assume we know what someone means before they even finish talking. And that’s how trouble starts.

Studies show that active listening—really focusing on the person speaking, instead of just waiting for your turn—improves relationships, reduces conflict, and makes people feel valued. [Here’s an article on why active listening is a game-changer.]

2. You learn more by listening than by talking.

My grandpa used to say, You’ve got two ears and one mouth for a reason. Took me a while to appreciate that wisdom, but it’s true. People who talk too much miss out on the best part of a conversation: learning something new. Every person you meet knows something you don’t. They’ve got stories, lessons, and perspectives that you’ll never hear if you don’t slow down and really listen.

When I finally let Shelly explain what she was actually trying to say that day, I realized how much I had missed just because I was distracted. If I’d listened the first time, I wouldn’t have spent the rest of her trip trying to fix a mistake I caused myself.

3. The right words matter than a lot of words.

Talking isn’t bad. But if you want your words to matter, they need to be the right ones. And you can’t know what the right words are until you’ve listened first.

Ever notice how some folks don’t say much, but when they do, everyone pays attention? That’s because they listen first. They take in what’s being said, think it over, and then speak with purpose. That’s the kind of person I try to be now. Instead of jumping in with an answer, I pause. I think. And when I do speak, I make sure it’s something worth saying.

Listen first, talk second.

If I’d done that with Shelly that day, I could’ve saved us both a lot of frustration. But mistakes make good teachers, and that one taught me a lesson I’ll never forget. So next time you’re in a conversation, take a breath. Listen twice, talk once. You’ll be amazed at what you learn—and at how many misunderstandings you don’t have to clean up.